Mindset and Personal Development Coaching

Connection vs Attachment

attraction connection healing love mindset relationships selflove Oct 04, 2022

I can't tell you the amount of times I have heard someone tell me the person they are with or were with was their soulmate. 

Which leads me to ask the question? Why do so many people feel deeply connected to the next person they meet after a divorce or a serious break up. 

Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but I know you know someone that will tell you all about the chemistry they had with said person. They'll go on to say, they felt so connected, have never felt this way before and actually loves this person. Sound familiar. 

Let me give you a little insight as to why people feel so "connected" to their next partner post divorce and why it's not actually a connection and more of an attachment you have developed.

Attachment happens with your thoughts and the way the other person makes you feel. Usually, this stems from an unmet emotional void from your past that this other person is fulfilling. It's not a healthy way of being with someone. It's impermeant and without this person you feel lost, and like a part of you has died. In essence the relationship was giving you something that you longed for, and now it is gone. The suffering happens when we rely on this other person to give that to us, so we form unhealthy attachments to them, almost feeling like we need them in order to thrive. 

Whereas a true connection with someone feels safe, secure and egoless. It happens with your heart. You are unattached to them and you truly want what's best for them regardless of how it makes you feel. I would venture to guess most relationships are based on attachment and not love. Yes you can love parts of a person but the question I would ask if it were me is: Does this person make ME feel a certain way and am I getting something or receiving a feeling of significance by being with this person?

Can you see the difference? When people tend to hop into new relationships post divorce, 9/10 healing hasn't been done and to me this is one of the reasons second marriages or relationships fail. 

My advice would be if you truly want to find a deep, meaningful connection with someone then take the journey and do the deep inner work so you don't repeat the past and you have the healthy wholesome love we all desire!

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