The Dangers of Dating after Divorce

Now that you're single you may be thinking how much fun it will be to start meeting new people. The excitement of finding someone you're compatible with, getting to know someone, feeling appreciated, the sex and truly connecting. In theory it sounds fun, but the reality is.......

There is another side to dating after divorce that many people overlook. Dating after divorce can be fun at first then over time you soon realize a lot of people have emotional baggage and it's not fun to unpack it with everyone. That most people are jaded, not committed, just looking for another meal ticket and are easily going to dispose of you and chase the next shiny object after the first disagreement.

From my perspective of working with over 100 people individually and in my practice, I believe it's because it's easy to jump into the next relationship too soon because you miss the feeling of having someone by your side. When you have been married for years, it feels normal to be in a relationship, it's what you know, it's familiar. Being with someone, gives us those feelings that we're not alone. It's comfortable, until it isn't.....

How many times have you dated someone all to realize it's the same exact problems yet a different person? We call this same person, different face. Do you see a pattern? This is because people don't take the time to heal their wounds after getting out of a relationship. Even if the exit or end of the relationship or divorce wasn't messy. It is one crucial step I recommend anyone should take to get back to your old feeling self.

No one goes into a marriage planning to get divorced. No one plans a life with someone, has kids with them and plans to get divorced. Divorce is traumatizing and it's paramount you heal your wounds before jumping into the next relationship.

Even if you don’t feel like it, I guarantee at the subconscious level your identity and ego is hurting. These emotions need to be processed, not buried. 

We lose our sense of self, and self-esteem when we experience macro traumas. It’s not your fault!

You may have been the one to initiate the separation, either way there are many feelings one must navigate to get life back on track to feeling on top of the world again. 

Otherwise the past is doomed to repeat itself.

We all know that second marriages fail at a higher rate than first marriages. Take blended families, kids, drama and ex's into consideration and you will understand why.

Here are 5 tips to Help you Heal before diving into the next relationship:

1. Take the time to understand what went wrong. Can you openly without vitriol acknowledge some responsibility? It takes two people to get married, it takes two to divorce. DO NOT BLAME!

2. Reflect and analyze what you could have done differently. Are there things that you can now do right to keep the peace?

3. Allow yourself grace. Don't carry the burden of divorce guilt. It happened and now you must make peace with what is. Do this by treating yourself with the same kindness and grace you would your best friend.

4. Understand what wounds inside of you need healed. Can you understand your belief system and how it impacted you from the beginning?

5. Practice direct, open, honest communication. Be truthful with yourself and what you truly want. Know your value and what you bring to the table.

Of course these are just a few steps you can use to get you on your way to feeling better. Self-reflection and acceptance will go a long way in your healing journey. It's not easy, but I promise you will learn to make healthier decisions for yourself and your future self if you truly take the time to heal.